


Angel

by Maeryn_skye



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: AU, Angel!Craig, Angst, Depression, M/M, Pic Fic, attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-05
Updated: 2015-01-05
Packaged: 2018-03-05 14:59:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3124454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maeryn_skye/pseuds/Maeryn_skye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Craig is an angel who has fallen in love with a mortal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I will be the first to admit that this is by no means an original concept, but I couldn't resist playing around with the idea just a bit. My original inspiration was the manip I found of Craig Parker with angel's wings pictured below. THIS FIC DEALS WITH DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE! If these are triggers for you, please proceed with caution or skip altogether.

[](http://smg.photobucket.com/user/Edgespet/media/LOTR/The%20Pacific%20Connection/Craig/9a1fa985.jpg.html)

_You know watching them is forbidden?" The voice in Craig's ear was gentle - questioning, not rebuking._

_Eyes never leaving the sleeping figure in front of him, Craig answered softly, "Yes ... "_

_"But...?"_

_"But I can't help it. Look at him, Ian. He's beautiful beyond words, but so sad, so lonely. I want to comfort him, touch him, make it better..."_

_Ian's eyes shifted from the man on the bed to the beautiful creature standing beside him, his gaze a mixture on concern and sympathy. "Craig, do you know why watching is forbidden?"_

_"To protect us. To keep us from falling in love with mortals we can never have."_

_"Partly,yes, but there's more to it than that. It's to protect them as well. Some of them can sense us, sometimes even see us, even without a Touch. The more time you spend watching a mortal, the more likely it becomes that he will become aware of your presence. It becomes dangerous, Craig. Dangerous to him." Ian looked down again at the raven-haired man, sadness filling his eyes. "It's too easy to break his heart ... you can give him a taste but nothing more. You'll never be able to give yourself to him completely."_

_"But ... " Craig sighed and shook his head resignedly. " You're right, of course. And I do know that. I really do. But he needs me, Ian."_

_The two stood in silence for several minutes watching the young man. He grew restless and his brow furrowed as he began to toss around on the bed._

_"Shhh, my love..." Craig's whisper was so quiet it was no more than just a breath, but the sleeping man seemed to calm instantly, drifting back into a deep, peaceful sleep again._

_Ian frowned and looked up sharply at his companion. "Have you Touched him, Craig? Tell me the truth. Have you made him aware of your presence?"_

_"I haven't , Ian. I swear I've never Touched him. He doesn't know I'm here. All he knows is that sometimes the nightmares go away, replaced with dreams of peace and comfort. He has no idea why."_

_"It's already too late, Craig. You know that, don't you? He can already sense you, even if he doesn't know what it is he's sensing. If you continue to watch him, he will eventually become aware of you. You must let him go, for his sake if not for your own."_

_Even as he spoke the words, Ian knew that the beautiful, foolhardy angel beside him would not give in. This mortal man meant too much to him and Craig would follow this path to the end, even if it meant to his own destruction._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Karl sighed deeply as he stepped out of the shower and began towelling off. He knew he really had no right to feel like he did. Thousands of young men would give anything to be where he was today. He had finally "made it". He was an international movie star, finally able to pick and choose which roles he wanted based on their merit rather than how much they paid. He could have any woman he wanted and practically any man he wanted. He really was living his childhood dream. Unfortunately, no one had bothered to tell him how much achieving that dream would cost him.

Karl often wondered if someone had slipped a Faustian-like contract in among the other thousands of papers he signed his name to on a daily basis. Yes, he finally had everything, but he felt nothing. He was empty inside. Over the past year and a half he had tried everything he possibly could to try to put an end to the emptiness ... men, women, drugs, booze, working obsessively ... anything that might make him feel something again. Unfortunately, nothing had worked. He eventually gave up the sex & drugs & rock-n-roll lifestyle ... not only did it not help, it was too expensive.

Then, about four months ago, the nightmares had started. At first, it had just been once every couple weeks, but as time went on, they became more and more frequent until now they were happening nightly. And always the same dream ... it started with voices, thousands upon thousands of voices all calling his name, always needing something, anything, always taking whatever he had to give them then taking more. After the voices came the hands...reaching out to him, pulling him myriad different ways...his body felt insubstantial, almost like cotton candy...each hand that touched him pulled away a part of him ... he could feel himself shrinking, being literally pulled apart by these demanding, insistent voices and hands. The harder he struggled to escape, the more they took of him until finally there was no more to give...he was simply gone. Night after night, Karl awakened, sweat-soaked and shaking, frantically patting his body to make sure it was still there.

Karl sighed again and shook his head. Pulling on his boxers, he walked into the bedroom and laid down. He knew that he had to try to sleep. Maybe the nightmares wouldn't be quite so bad this time. The last couple nights they had seemed to ease up just a tiny bit. He wasn't sure why, because as far as he could remember, the content of the dreams was still the same. Nonetheless, he had awakened both mornings feeling more rested than he had in months. Maybe he was just getting used to them. But, no ... that didn't seem right either. As Karl turned out the light, his tired mind realized that there had been a new presence in his dreams the last two nights ... something safe and comforting ... a new, gentle voice whispering softly in his ear, so softly he hadn't even realized it until now ... a voice promising to love him and protect him from all harms ... yes, that voice ... Karl drifted off to sleep feeling safe and happy for the first time in a very, very long time.

Of course, the nightmare did come back, but then this one changed. Karl had only just begun struggling -fighting against the hands reaching out for him - when he heard the Voice again, _"Shhhh, my love ..."_ and the nightmare melted away just as suddenly as it had begun. Karl sank back into a deep, restful sleep, his last conscious thought asking what he now wanted desperately to know ... _Who are you?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl is ready to give up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, lots of angst, depression and attempted suicide. My descriptions of what Karl is feeling are based solely on my own bouts of depression, not on any true clinical knowledge.

Karl slouched on his couch and stared broodingly into the fireplace, wondering what had happened to his life. He was still having nightmares on a nightly basis, although they weren't quite as bad as they had been. And when he was awake, Karl felt an immense emptiness suffocating him. He felt like he was encased in ice - able to see the world around him, but unable to touch it, to feel the warmth. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. And so here he was - the world famous Karl Urban, slouched down on his custom-made white leather sofa in front of his Italian marble fireplace on New Year's Eve - feeling more lost than he had ever felt in his life.

~~~~~~~~~~

_Tears welled in Craig's eyes as he watched the beautiful young man on the sofa._

_"It's closing in on him, Ian. He's so close ..."_

_The older angel's eyes drifted from Karl back to Craig. "There's nothing you can do, Craig. You know that."_

_"I can! You know that! I can help him. I can save him ... "_

_Ian closed his eyes momentarily, his heart breaking both for the young mortal and for the foolhardy angel who had fallen in love with him. "You don't know what you're saying, Craig. You have no idea ..."_

_"I know I love him, Ian. And I know I can save his life."_

_"It's not that simple, Craig."_

~~~~~~~~~~

"God damn it!" Karl screamed, as he hurled an empty Jack Daniels bottle into the wall. The loneliness and despair were becoming too much to bear. He stood quickly and headed over to the liquor cabinet to retrieve another bottle of Jack. Opening it, he moved back to the couch and collapsed, taking a deep drink as he sat down. Tears began to flow down his face as he stared at the bottle in his hand. "I can't live like this anymore," he whispered, "I don't want to live like this anymore..." Karl shook his head. He had achieved everything he had always wanted, but had paid for it with his life. He realized that now. What good was fame and fortune if you had no one to love? No one to love you? No one who truly cared about you - not what movies you'd starred in or what you could do for them? Karl knew suddenly that he would give up everything -the house, the cars, the money, the fame - just to have someone walk through his door who truly loved him. He also knew with a bitter certainty that that would never happen. Karl Urban the man had been buried beneath Karl Urban the actor for so long that Karl wasn't even sure who he was anymore. How could he possibly expect anyone else to love him for who he truly was when he didn't know himself?

A bone-deep exhaustion settled over Karl. He was just so tired. So very, very tired. Tired of the endless demands on his time, tired of using and being used, tired of always trying to be better than the other guy, tired of living ... That thought brought Karl up short. He took another drink as he considered. Tired of living? It was something he had thought before, but he had never consciously acknowledged the thought. But, yes ... And it would be so easy. There were all kinds of prescription medications in the house ... pain pills, muscle relaxers, tranquilizers, antidepressants ... a handful of each, washed down with the whiskey and he could finally be at peace. The loneliness, the emptiness would be gone. He rose slowly from the couch and made his way to his bedroom. He stopped in front of his dresser and stared for a moment at the myrid of amber bottles. They were nearly all completely full. He gathered them up and moved over to lay down on the bed.

~~~~~~~~~~

_"Ian, please!_

_"Don't ask me to do this, Craig! You don't know what you're asking ... what you're doing!"_

_"Ian, please! I know you can make me mortal! I know you can! Please! I can't let him die ... not like this ... not a suicide!" Craig's frantic voice dropped down to a whisper as he watched the raven-haired man downing handful after handful of pills. "Please..."_

_Ian looked at the beautiful creature beside him. "It can never be undone, Craig. And you must understand that even if you do save him, there's a chance that he won't love you in return."_

_"I understand, Ian. I really do..."_

_"It will hurt unlike anything you've ever felt or imagined ..."_

_Craig nodded, eyes riveted to to the now motionless form on the bed. Ian gently cupped Craig's face in his hand and looked into his eyes. He leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to the angel's forehead then turned Craig away from him and said "Spread your wings ..." Ian stroked the shimmering wings unfurled before him and whispered, "I'm sorry, Craig ... so sorry ..." He drew out a small sword and in one quick motion severed the wings from the angel's back. Agonizing pain seared through Craig, dropping him to his knees and leaving him gasping for breath. When he was finally able to stand, he realized that he was in Karl's bedroom and that the man he had given up everything for was lying frighteningly still on the bed before him._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl wakes up in the hospital and realizes that he's not alone.

The soft murmur of voices slowly pulled Karl back to semi-consciousness. He opened his eyes and looked around, but he was having a hard time focusing on anything. He wondered where he was and how he had gotten there. "What ... " Karl whispered, surprised by how weak and rough his voice sounded. Suddenly, a kind-looking man in a white lab coat materialized in Karl's field of vision.

"Ah, welcome back, Mr. Urban."

Karl struggled to make his brain function, wondering if he was supposed to recognize the man or not. He certainly didn't seem familiar, but ... god, but his head ached! Maybe if he could get the headache to ease up, he might be able to figure out where he was and who the man in front of him was supposed to be. "Who ... who are you?" Karl croaked.

"My name is Dr. Holm. You need to try to rest now. I'll check back in on you a little bit later and I'll answer your questions then, okay?" Karl nodded weakly and closed his eyes again. He was just beginning to drift off when he felt a gentle hand on his arm. "You're a very lucky young man, Mr. Urban. Your friend saved your life."

Karl frowned, struggling to stay awake long enough to figure out what the doctor had been talking about. "Your friend saved your life... But he didn't have any friends ... who had brought him here? Karl slept and dreamt of the voice he had heard in his nightmares... the voice that always calmed him, that promised to love him and protect him always.

~~~~~~~~~~

Craig gently brushed his fingertips over Karl's forehead. Without turning away from the sleeping man, he spoke to the doctor standing beside him. "Are you sure he'll be all right?"

"Physically, yes, he'll be fine. Your friend is young and strong and in excellent health. But ..." The tone of the doctor's voice made Craig raise his eyes to the other man. "...you must find out *why* he did this. We can heal his body, but that won't do any good if his spirit is broken."

Craig nodded and turned back to look once again at Karl. He gently stroked the raven hair and said softly, "I'll take care of him. Nothing will hurt him ever again."

Dr. Holm nodded and patted Craig on the shoulder before turning to leave. "As I said, Mr. Urban is a very lucky young man."

Craig pulled a chair up close to the bedside and sat down, taking Karl's hand in his own and murmuring words of love and encouragement to the sleeping man.

~~~~~~~~~~

When Karl woke up several hours later, he was surprised to see he wasn't alone. He stared at the man sitting beside him and wondered who he was and how he had gotten into Karl's room.

The stranger smiled and softly asked, "How are you feeling?"

"Much better," Karl answered, his voice tinged with confusion. "I don't ... who ... you're not a doctor ... who are you?"

The man smiled again. "No, I'm not a doctor. Just a friend. My name is Craig."

Karl let out a bitter snort. "A friend, huh? Great. That means you're either a stalker or a reporter."

Craig laughed and replied, "No, I'm neither one, but how I know you and what I'm doing here is a long story perhaps better left for another time. In the meantime, can I get you anything? Are you hungry?"

"No, I'm fine, but ... " Karl frowned as he continued to stare at Craig. He was certain he had never seen him before, and yet there was something familiar about him. Karl continued to study the man before him. He was definitely stunning - soft, dark hair, midnight blue eyes, a brilliant smile, golden skin - surely if they had ever met before, Karl would have remembered this beauty. Craig didn't seem to mind Karl's intense scrutiny, but just smiled softly as he watched Karl studying him.

Dr. Holm's return interrupted Karl's pondering. He checked over Karl quickly then glanced through his chart. "Everything looks fine, Mr. Urban. Barring any unexpected complications, I think we should be able to release you in the morning. In the meantime, try to get plenty of rest and if you need anything at all, just let one of your nurses know and they'll take care of you. Have a good night, gentlemen."

After watching the doctor bustle out, Karl's eyes returned once again to the beautiful man beside him. Craig smiled at him and said, "I can see the questions in your eyes. Ask me whatever you want and I'll answer as best as I can. "

Karl's brow creased with confusion again. "Why do I know you? I've never seen you before, but I do know you. How?"

Craig sighed. "I'm not really sure how to explain it ... "

"You were the one that called the ambulance for me, weren't you?"

"Yes. I couldn't let you die ... I ..."

"But how did you know?"

"I've been watching you for a long time, Karl." Seeing the fear rising in Karl's eyes, Craig went on quickly, "No, I'm not a stalker. At least not in the normal sense of the word. Like I said before, it's a long, complicated story." Moving over to sit on the bed next to Karl, Craig took his hand and continued, "Do you trust me?"

"Of course," Karl answered, surprised to realize that he did, indeed, trust this man that he barely knew.

"I know all about you, Karl. I know about the loneliness, the nightmares, the emptiness ... "

"The nightmares? How can you possibly ..." Suddenly something clicked in Karl's brain and he realized what it was that had seemed so familiar about Craig. "Oh god ... your voice. It was your voice that I heard. How ... how ..." He sat up and placed a gentle hand on Craig's face. In an awed whisper Karl said, "You're really real?"

Craig smiled and covered Karl's hand with his own. "I am. I love you, Karl, and I couldn't let you die. I came here to save you, to protect you. "

Tear filled Karl's eyes as he stared at the beautiful man in front of him. This was what had been missing from his life ... what he wanted so desperately ... someone who loved him, not his money or his fame. Someone who loved Karl Urban the man, not Karl Urban the actor. He drew Craig into his arms and whispered, "Stay with me?"

"Always, my love. Always."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

_(1 year later)  
Ian looked down at the two sleeping men so intertwined that it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began. He brushed a stray lock of hair out of Karl's face, then gently touched the scars on Craig's back - scars created when he himself had cut off Craig's wings to make him mortal. He smiled softly, his heart full of love and happiness for his wayward angel and the man he had given up everything for. _


End file.
